kindness – Susan Carmen Duffy

Yesterday was a people day. Like you, I have been very isolated and not out in the world, so to be honest, it was a bit of a shock to my system! Friends and strangers alike were picking up art and cards at my studio. It was MUCH more peoply than anything in recent times! Socially distant and with masks on- Each one shared a few moments with me. Most shared how discouraging life is right now. Each one shared about their losses, their sadness, their frustrations, and discouragements. 2020 has certainly been a year for challenges.

Covid has touched all of our lives. Too many lives have been lost which has broken the hearts of so many families. Our habits have changed, our realities have changed, our celebrations severely modified or canceled altogether. LIFE IS very DIFFERENT.

I too am finding this journey all so overwhelming at times. Some days are better than others, but in general, I am overwhelmed by the challenge of this pandemic. I am saddened by not seeing my children and granddaughter. I am stressed over trying to safely support those who are elderly or compromised by health concerns safely. It is a dark time, requiring so much energy and thought.

We are all in the same crazy challenge but are living it very alone. Now more than ever, it seems it is important to return to basics, recognize that life isn’t “the same”, nor can it be. I believe some of our strife comes from the fact that we mourn the loss of what was normal, and often forgetting the blessings we do have. Sometimes counting blessings is very difficult to remember.

Here are some thoughts: This is what I know- kindness always feels better. Sending a card to people you know, love, and maybe a few that you don’t know! (I am not suggesting this because I own a card company, however, I do – Greetings4Good.org), Call someone who lives alone, sometimes just a five-minute phone call can make a difference(for you both). Pay it forward somehow, there are countless ways to do that- especially at this time of year. When we take a moment to put someone else first, that seems to balance us a bit, introduce some light in the darkness. Small things seem to make a big difference.
Also–self care. Take a walk (bundle up if you live in Rochester!) Drink your water, get your rest, meditate, breathe deeply, eat food that nourishes your body, MAKE ART! (yes, everyone can do this!) Read a book, turn off the electronics. Light a candle, sit in silence. Call your family/friends on a video- seeing each other’s face is a good thing! Write down every single thing you are grateful for. (yes, everything- it helps, I promise)Do things that are good for you. Celebrate what you have the ability to still do!

It seems we are given this lecture often. There also seems to be some wisdom to the fact that you are given a lesson repeatedly until you learn it.

I am not in any way suggesting life will be perfect if you send Uncle Pete a greeting card, I just know that I am happier when I claim the little victories, recognize the light around me and celebrate that. I think the bottom line here, is that while I recognize that life (for me as well as others) is an incredible challenge, I also want to do something about it. Some days I really struggle. But the good news is, I am celebrating each new chance I get.

There are all these little repostings around the internet about checking in with each other, about mental as well as physical health. This is me, reaching out to you. Do your best to reach out to others too. – both of you will benefit. Life is easier with a willing connection to others (even if we cannot have a cup of tea together in the same room).

Sending you love….hang in there….we’ve got this!

Susan

I admit that for the last two years or so, I have a difficult time listening to the news in the morning. I used to be a dedicated NPR fan. I listened to know and to grow. I did so, until it all became too much.

Then I tuned out.

I had to. I couldn’t do it. I would listen in the morning and be upset all day and not be able to sleep at night. Yes, I know, I have been told repeatedly. “You are too sensitive.” I suppose that is true. I always have been, as hard as I have tried to “toughen up” I probably always will be.

But is that so bad?

The thing about being sensitive is that even though it can be so painful at times, it is also a tool to succeed at life with. When you are in a room full of people laughing and you can see the one person who is putting on a good show but is full of pain and in need sensitive becomes a gift, instead of undesirable.

I suppose on some level I have not always appreciated this gift. Being criticized for my sensitivity has made it seem like it is a curse rather than a blessing. Fortunately, as we age, hopefully, wisdom comes too. It is easier to see that the glass is half full instead of half empty. Being able to see through the facade to what really is going on with the aforementioned life of the party has been a gift. An opportunity for me to be able to see past and reach out to someone in need.

Going back to my NPR ban. I am frustrated at times that I am both so opinionated and so powerless. I don’t understand much about the world, politics, war. It seems to me that if we put love first, we can live happily and co-exist together ever so wonderfully. I know, it is a naive thought. However, if you think about it, this is not so horrible an idea.

May I ask you a question? When was the last time someone did something kind for you? It could have been the simplest thing. Letting you cut in in a heavy line of traffic, paying for your coffee, sending you a card for no reason at all, bringing you flowers, delivering dinner- whatever the gift was, how did that make you feel? Hold that feeling for a moment. The gesture was simple, but the rewards (for both of you most likely) were great.

It almost doesn’t matter if it had a huge impact or a sort one. The point I am trying to make is that it likely DID make a difference to you. That is very important to this message.

I am hoping your instinct is such that you would like to take that feeling and spread it around a bit. My theory is that when we are busy being kind to each other and even include strangers in that, we have a more difficult time judging or something even more negative. Look at this as little seeds of peace that you are spreading around like confetti!

So what do you do? It’s easy- be thoughtful, be kind. No, you actually do not have to buy coffee for your office mate daily (though once in a while is nice- I had co-workers that brought me one every single Friday. It was just lovely! Thank you, Susan & Anna!). Try this- Let someone out in front of you in traffic, leave a post it note for someone having a rough day at the office, pick your spouse a flower, play a game ON THE FLOOR with a child, (meet them at their level), check with a neighbor to see if they need anything from the store… simple things. Easy things. Smile at a stranger, share the cookies you baked (or bought), celebrate nothing, visit someone, send a card to someone you haven’t spoken with in a length of time.

JUST DO SOMETHING- a little thing… daily – if we each do this, I BELIEVE we will change the world.

Sending YOU love. Will you join me on my crusade?

Susan

Tag: kindness

We’ve got this…

a cup of kindness, please